The Complete, Unexpurgated History of the Blog, Part 1

The blog. From Boston to Bulawayo, from Tokyo to Tunis, everyone these days has a blog. Even in Arkansas, there have been reports, albeit unconfirmed, of blogging. But, where did blogging begin? How did it come to sweep the earth, and possibly Mars? What does the future hold for the blog? I'm no psychic, so don't even try asking me that last question. However, I just might answer the first two in this exhaustive history that chronicles the beginnings of the phenomenon that, according to some reputable astrologers, may herald the beginning of the final age of humanity!

According to Wikipedia, the odd fellow pictured above was the one of the earliest bloggers. Once again, the online encyclopedia's credibility must be questioned. Not only does the blog predate this guy's birth, it predates the computer itself! Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "the telegraph, Samuel Morse, 'What hath God wrought?'" and all that nonsense. I'm sorry to say, you're wrong again - the blog is even older than that. Don't feel bad, it's an easy mistake.

Blog-like forms of communication have existed as long as the human race: cave paintings, Egyptian hieroglyphics, and Athenian erotic graffiti all point the way toward the blog. But the birth of the blog as we know it is intertwined with the dawn of the Enlightenment in Europe. For those who aren't familiar with the term, "The Enlightenment" was the period in which people began to see the best way to achieve progress was through synergy with corporate sponsors.

In the early 17th century, the Catholic Church promoted Galileo's new invention, the telescope, with a cooked-up heresy trial. The resulting controversy spurred sales of telescopes to a public who had previously paid the night sky no attention. It proved to be a lucrative partnership for both Galileo and the Church.

A few decades later, in England, Isaac Newton's discovery of the law of gravity was promoted through a tie-in deal with the Duke of Jobs' apple farms. The Duke spread the story that Newton made his discovery after being hit on the head with a fresh Jobs apple. The Duke recieved such a large windfall from his investment that he put Newton to work on a project developing a so-called "iPod" - a new type of seed pod, of course. The project was a dismal failure.

Into this climate of geniuses working hand-in-glove with big business, a unique figure was born. From his modest home on the southern tip of Sweden, Olaf Blogg would forever change the way we communicate. Well, it wouldn't actually change until three centuries later, but the groundwork was laid here. In Sweden. By Olaf Blogg. Trust me.

NEXT WEEK : The Man, the Myth, the Misplacing.